Teen Mom’s in action. Ruining the world one pregnancy at a time.
So as you may or may not know Halloween was this weekend and of course the Q was out on the town gettin their costume party on. That of course is too confidential to talk about, we don’t want you knowing our lives or anything. Please take a step back. Anyways, as you all know we are very much fans of the award winning (Q stamp of approval) show Teen Mom. We decided to honor their dedication to screwing up their offsprings lives by dressing up as them for Halloween.
Alaho=Amber (mascara stained cheeks and all)
SanJo=Farrah (bloody lip and all)
Portlandia=Maci (red hair and fake tan and all)
Moragz=Caitlin (blue and purple eyeshadow and all)
Since we are charitable people, we graced the neighborhood of Westchester with our presence on All Hallows Eve and trick or treat along with all of our fans ages 5-11. All I have to say though is never again. Not only did people hold back on the candy (ARE YOU TRYING TO COMMENT ON OUR FIGURES? HOW DARE YOU) but also they acted offended that we “werent wearing costumes.”
Really?? You think I would normally go out in public with a tye dye of purple, blue, and glitter on my eyelids? Answer: definitely not. Im famous, I can’t have shots of myself in the tabloids with my eyes looking like they got painted on by Caitlin’s three year old daughter Carly experimenting with colors.
Really? You think that SanJo walks around with fake blood on her lip all the time? Answer: No, its not a fashion statement nor will it ever be. loveisrespect.org
Really? You think that Portlandia decided to dye her hair the color of a firetruck on crack? Answer: Hell naw. Sorry girl but that definitely aint your color. The gingers are saved for real teen moms, crack addicts, satan, and Lindsay Lohan (you may dye it girl but people dont forget).
Really? You think AlaHo was crying mascara stains down her cheeks on Halloween? Answer: Um, no. She’s classier than that. She cries in private where she can properly remove the black streaks of despair with makeup remover. Again, celebrity status; she knows better than to run amuck looking like Amber from Teen Mom on a normal day.
So to all of you out there who didn’t think we were wearing costumes…check yourselves. Buy a TV or a cable subscription and get educated. Teen pregnancy is a real thing and we are just trying to call attention to a real issue. And while your at it buy a computer and learn what celebrities are….they are not people who run around looking like hot messes…at least not these celebrities.
Thats all for now. And remember before you accuse someone of not wearing a costume, ask yourself “would I rock that on a normal day” and if the answer is yes….well then you have bigger problems.
Moragz (Please turn the lights on, you’re making me uncomfortable)
PS GO GIANTS.
Hey fans, sorry we have been a little MIA. Oh wait, I’m not sorry. We’re famous. Get used to it. We have lives.
Just another Wednesday night. As if our presence wasn’t enough for LMU’s campus, they had to bring in one of our Semi-FFs. We say “semi”, because his 15 minutes of fame have turned to two minutes at this point. It’s true, Audrina from the Hills’ ex-boo, Justin Bobby, made a slight dent on our turf.
Embarrassingly enough, the venue in which he spoke - or mumbled - at, had room for only 150 people. Let’s just say that not every seat was warm if ya catch my drift. Three members of the Q decided to show up to his pathetic attempt to re-glamorize himself. News flash, Bobby: You never were glamorous. Belching at the dinner table? Treating our FF, Audrina, like last season’s Prada clutch? So unprofessional. Although you have eyes that make us melt and a beautiful face when with the right hair cut, you were dropped like a hot potato when The Hills was terminated.
AKA. You were terminated.
Apparently, Bobby is trying to recreate his stardom by starting a band known as EdstanleY. Who? Exactly. Their inspirations? Oh you know… classic rock bands. Like who? You know. Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, Motley f%$*ing Crue, and every other possible rock band. After saying hi to Bobby and his cracked out pals, he had the audacity to ask us to take a picture with him. Sure shows how famous we are in comparison. After Portlandia “accidently” graced Bobby’s caboose, he automatically assumed he had an in with us. You should have seen the cameras flashing when the public eye saw Portlandia, Moragz, and Alaho with their arms around the stray-dog-like Justin Bobby. Don’t worry, EdstanleY, someone will listen to your music.
That’s all for now. Love to all (except commonfolk)! -Alaho
Ok so maybe Amber isn’t in jail. But she is locked up— emotionally. With a one year old baby who is a splitting image of her ex-boo, Gary, Amber clearly is reminded daily of the trauma she went through since she was 16. Everyone is constantly critiquing her lifestyle. BACK THE FLUP UP! If you had an obese baby daddy who bought you a ring from WALMART, you would get a little angry too. I’m not condoning domestic violence, ‘cause us girls of 204 do NOT stand for that. However, Amber is being ostracized for what? Defending her rights? Stopping Gary before he strikes first? Emotionally protecting herself? Some may say she is scarring her little baby girl’s life… umm last time I checked, Leah still laughs, eats, poops, and sleeps. No harm no foul. Now live your own life and let Amber live hers with her new love, Chris, the registered sex offender.
- Alaho (oooo take your hands off my lower back please)
It’s that time of week again where you may be sitting alone, probably crying into your oatmeal for dinner, maybe wiping your tears with paparazzi shots of us (please stop that we preferred to be framed) when you remember what day it is. The rain stops, the skies clear, a double rainbow appears, the birds are singing our favorite jam (Please Don’t Go-Mike Posner [we found it first]), and God appears to you and says “There are sixteen year old girls out there getting pregnant…go forth and turn on MTV.”
I want to personally thank, on behalf of the Q, Maci, Farrah, Amber, and Caitlyn for giving me such a range of emotions, from laughter to anger to pity to empathy, every Tuesday night between 9pm and 10pm Pacific time.
We admire these girls for their strengths which I would like to list here:
Maci: The strength to resist the temptation to jump that gorgeous baby daddy of yours and try to make a brother for dear Bentley.
Farrah: The strength to keep the attitude up all hours of the day. Seriously, how do you do it? Also, an honorable mention, the strength to continue to sass your mother when she already beat your ass once.
Amber: The strength to hit Gary. He’s about a foot taller than you and exceeds your weight when you were 8 months pregnant by 500lbs and you still manage to push him up against a wall in a fit of uncalled for rage.
Caitlyn: The strength to not be blinded by Tyler’s incredibly large diamond studs in his ears. Also, the fact that you gave your offspring up for adoption to give her a better life. We always appreciate selflessness here in Ten 204. You go girl.
From the Q to you, Teen Moms, we salute you.
xxoo (high fives? sanitizer first please)
PS Bentley, Sofia, and Leah…GOOD LUCK WITH LIFE KIDZ.
PPS Carly…dont be upset that your birth parents are actually siblings. At least you dont live with Amber.
Such an eventful weekend and it’s only Saturday morning! So last night three of us Q ladies drove off into the sunset with two of our FFs to Santa Barbara to see our other FF, Jason Mraz, perform. We decided to rough it and drive ourselves there, give our chauffeur a break ya know. Well, let’s just say traffic didn’t move out of the way for us, so it took us 3 hours to get there. But, NBD we parked and got there just in time to see our friend Jason start off with his first song. The concert was amazing, I must admit, I only liked Jason Mraz before last night; now I love him. He’s amazing and “so playful”. His back drop was made from recycled water bottles. He’s hot and he recycles. SNAP.
Things were cool, until he grabbed a child from the pit to bring up on stage with him! We couldn’t believe that he forgot about us—THE Q. What happened next was to die for, he brought another girl, probably like 16, on stage and they danced, like closely. She wasn’t even though hot though so whatever. But, then again, we got to let the non-famous people have a little bit of the spot light sometimes.
So, after the concert we decided to go to our friend’s place; we told Jason we’d catch up with him another time. We made our way to IV and I guess people weren’t prepared for us because they were all roaming the streets. However, there were a few people that took pictures in front of us in our famous car, they just didn’t wanna bother us with autographs and such ya know.
Various members of the Q got to see some of their FFs which was exciting. We got a little bit of sleep and then this morning we drove off into the sunrise (thanks AlaHO) and arrived back at our lovely little apartment.
Let’s see what happens tonight.
XOXO San JO
LIFE IS HARD
So I have a very serious issue to talk to you about tonight. We all know AlaHO; I mean how could we not? (And yes, I did use a semi-colon. Read a grammar book and get used to it). Continuing on, I think it has been enough time that all of the fans have gotten to know THE Q quite well (you think you know, but you have no idea), that you should all know something very important about our special friend AlaHO. This news is that AlaHO is indeed a SPECIAL friend, and by that I mean that her parents are in fact siblings.
Now I don’t discriminate, and you shouldn’t either. So if right now you are going to delete her off of Facebook, YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF BEFORE I BREAK YOURSELF. The problem is not her condition, we love her just the way she is, the problem is that it is kind of a contagious state of being.
Everytime I am around that silly mess of a woman, I become suddenly illiterate, unable to speak coherent English sentences, and worst of all, my worst and ill-comedic self rears it’s ugly head to the world and more importantly my Tend neighbors.
I don’t know how to stop it and I don’t know how to control it. She gets the the worst of me, but how can I resist that purple sweatshirt?
Number one rule of being in THE Q?—You don’t leave other Q members in the dark outside of the C-Lion with poisonous chocolate soy milk not knowing how to get back home.
And you thought this wasn’t going to have a point.
oxoxo (no eye contact please)
We’re not exclusive. We’re ExQsive. Keep in mind, there is still no u involved.
The rain really ruined my day. I didn’t get to wear my sunglasses ONCE today. Whatever. Outtie.
-Alaho ggggg (glares.)
Hey trusty fans,
So as you may know, if you are an avid follower of celebrity gossip, all celebs at one point or another have run ins with the law. We can’t help it, with fame comes freedom and we are made to take advantage of it. Sometimes though when there are people who obviously dont know the stature of our fame, like to watch us fall. Remember how Paris got kicked out of Japan? Yeah, obviously there are not words for “famous” or “above the law” in Japanese. Well, heres an equation for you: Paris:Japan::Ten204:Hannon.
Thats right everybody. If you took seventh grade math you know what I’m talking about: We got written up. And trust me, were not proud of it. We dont like to think of ourselves as trouble makers. All we want to do is live our famous lives without interference of negative influences aka HANNON APARTMENTS.
We should have know better and just stayed in our trusty and safe building, but we decided to grace the world with our presence and make our way over to our FF’s apartment in the less renowned buildings known as Hannon. All we were doing is getting our dance on to our jams “Teach Me How to Dougie” (oh trust me we already know how, but we can teach you maybe? oh wait, only if your famous…sorry were not sorry) and “Like a G6” (sober girls around me they be actin like theyre drunk? No, were way classier than that). I mean the public got a whole lot of us tonight and we were feeling very generous. But as you know, no good deed goes unpunished and instead of continuing our dancing for the world to enjoy we hear a knock on the door. That’s right everybody there is no suspense here…it was the authorities. Of course we complied with the law and gave them our real names because we are honest people and we can handle the pressure even if it means breaking news and multiple headlines about us. Don’t worry your pretty heads, we can handle it….it’s why were famous.
On top of all of that we got denied from a house party. SERIOUSLY DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHO WE ARE? Next time you wrong us you know who fraternity, we will spread your name around town…and not in a good way. SO CROSS US AGAIN BITCHEZZ AND WATCH WHAT HAPPENS.
Well thats all for now. Dont judge us.
xxxx (not now im a little emotional…not like you were getting it anyways)
Get the picture?